::my sweet valentine::

i'm bored stiff nua-ing at hme for 2wks alrdy (and sch starts only in April larrr).
actually, think i saved lotsa money shaking leg at hme.
- saved money on makan
- saved on transport
- saved on retail therapy cuz there's absolutely zero temptation to spend while at hme
- saved on cosmetics cuz dun need to apply cosmetics as i'm mostly at hme
- saved on my shampoo, bath foam, facial products cuz now only need to bathe twice a day

wat lar. bathing only twice a day doesn't means i'm dirty lar. bathe in the aftnn aft i wake up and at night before i slp. liddat also cnnt meh? help daddy and the govt to save water and electricity too leh.

i need to save at least $50/mth starting now to ensure that i'll at least have some money to spend during June's GSS. i've got sooo many things i'm planning to buy alrdy ...

ok, so at the risk of being labelled an airhead and being called a bimbo, thou shalt do a review on the mascaras i've used for the past yr for u, mascara-user virgins, so that all u need to do is just waltz in Guardians/Watson's, pick the item up and pay at the cashier counter. do purchase eye make-up remover too, u dun wanna have ur top lashes kiss ur bottom lashes and make them stick together so that u cn barely open ur peepers the next monrning, do you?


TBS volume mascara.
this is my favourite! pity it doesn't come in waterproof version.
helps to volumize and lengthens (abt 30%) eyelashes.
makes lashes appear thicker and longer, great when teamed wif frosted eyeshadows.


maybelline's sky high curves.
this comes in w/proof and washable; w/proof is light blue, washable in dark blue.
helps lashes to stay curled.
for some individuals (like mi), dun need to crimp lashes wif eyelash curler, just brush lashes wif this but for others wif lashes which just don't stay curled, can try heating eyelash curler wif hairdryer for app 10s before kiap-ing ur lashes followed by Maybelline's sky high curves.
most suitable for individuals wif stubborn lashes which doens't stay curled for long period of time.


Maybelline's volume express!
comes in w/proof and washable too.
grey cover (w/proof), whole thing black (washable).
helps make lashes appear darker and thicker, no lengthening though.


Maybelline's unstoppable.
comes in only one version, smudge-proof. it's neither washable nor w/proof.
fibres present inside to help lengthen lashes.
gd for everyday wear.

Bourjois' yes to volume no to clumps - no pic
comes in only washable
volumnizing effect not very obvious.
fine comb supposed to minimise clumping but i find that it makes coating lashes wif mascara more difficult instead.

omg. i think i snacked too much during CNY alrdy. now my tummy is bulging out, flabby arms and my thunder thighs have made an appearance. bye bye pretty clothes, hello loose, shapeless and baggy clothes - that is, if i dun do anything abt my accelerating wt FAST.

we look alike meh?
weihao said that i look like her leh.
she's called Aya smthg, starring in a SCV Japanese drama.
last time while i was working at Topman, Weihao and Glenn said that i look like Landy Wen, i was like, huh?

at School of Management on thurs enquiring abt their courses at the University of Murdoch, the consultant said that i dun look local.

like, so omg cn? i'm 100% Sg-rean lar. born and bred in Sg lar.

and i thought that wif the economy improving and everything, my ang pows takings will also increase BUT sad to say, takings decreased significantly instead. frm close to $800 last yr it has dropped to abt slightly more than half a thousand. sian lar, there goes my much needed retail therapy and other treatments.
let's see, i need to put aside
$120 for my CNY clothes - pay back mama
arnd $150 for contact lenses; 1yr supply
$10 for eyebrow trimming
$50 hair treatment
$50+5% GST for SIM registeration
$8-10 passport photo taking

and the optionals/bi-monthly maintanence
- $50 waxing
- $50 facial
- $100+ epilator

tell mi, how am i gonna survive wif so little money?!! somemore must keep a portion of ang pow money in bank one leh. aiya, HOW?!! anybody's hse open for CNY visiting? i need to chiong my CNY takings. ahaha.

i'm torn between MDIS' mass comm and SIM's management studies. which one shld i go for? i hope i wun regret my final decision. daddy says poly is a waste of 3yrs, might as well go MDIS or SIM and get a dip in a few mths. oh well, i'm not paying so why shld i complain BUT i kinda wan to enjoy, or at least, try out poly life first but daddy is adament that i go tk a private dip. AND, he kept making mi wanna pick a fight wif him just now. kept picking on my habits and stuff. say i "ai mu xu rong", no priorties in life, dunno wat i wan in life blah blah blah. i diam diam all the way for the whole car ride lor, couldn't trust myself not to spew out vulgarities if i open my mouth.

sian. gotta go back report tmr. dunno wat's the outcome gonna be like.


u noe, i'm so traumitized now. boarded mrt at dhoby ghaut and the train was very crowded, as usual. so i was like, minding my own business, fiddling wif my hp and at the same time, being squashed by dozens of ppl when i felt someone keep like, squeezing closer and closer to mi, it was too close for comfort. half-way through my train ride to city hall, which was like only one stop away, i felt a thing pressing through my sai kang (ok lar, i dun wanna sound so crude. ermz, wat abt asshole? or butt-crack? or the place where the brown stuff is egested frm ur body?). i was like, ok, maybe i'm paranoid or smthg den i tried to shift away frm the person behind mi. but wth, that person moved forward when i moved. his erected xiao di di was closer to mi than my shadow, damn freaky lar, i tell u. somemore i was alone leh. wanted to slap him hard, pull his lj and stamp on his feet but imma coward i guess, can't even stand up for myself. wanted to get out of the train as quickly as i could once it reaches city hall but everytime i turned back, that farker will be just right behind mi. luckyily city hall is always full of ppl and i guess he just lost mi wif the crowd. was walking very very quickly to suntec, till i perspired lar. i perspired in air-con leh, cn u imagine how quickly i was walking? was so freaked out by this incident sia. went Guess? to change my bag as it's defective but all the bags there are more or less the same, somehow there'll be smthg wrong. retail therapy at la senza to calm myself down. splurged unnecessaryly again, but wat to do, at least i've got a valid reason now wat.
damn that horny bastard. if u wanna pah siao, do it in the loo or at the privacy of ur hme lar, why make mi the victim? hope u choke and die while gorging urself full of lard. thanks sx for the msg-es and sympathies.

daddy's sec 4 friends came ovr to visit today. it was a riot, what wif aunties gossiping, kids running abt and crazy laughters. cn u imagine? 20yrs of friendship leh. i'm not even 20 yet lor.
Q-mo (curly hair) uncle kept making fun of mi. when he first stepped into my hse, he was like, who is this? den i was like, "ermz ... ur friend's daughter". everybody were like lolx-ing lar. den he say, "ah meng's zha bor kia ah?", to which i replied, "yar ... (rolls eyes)". den he and his wife went on, "so pretty leh!" haa. he kept dee siao-ing mi, asked mi to be his future daughter-in-law, told daddy that he wanna xia ding jing first, somewhat like the olden days, when parents help to matchmake their children. then he asked mi to choose between three guys present who were close to my age. 2 were younger than mi and the other was born in the same yr as mi, though older by a few mths. told him that i dun go for jie-di lian. den he kept pushing mi towards his oldest son. wah piang eh, cnnt stand him. he's sibei dee siao lar. didn't even wanna give up when he was going hme. addressed my mama as qing jia mu when he was going off.

dar came ovr at night wif her bro to bai nian.
was suppossed to go to jenn dearest's hse to bai nian, and vice versa, but the plan was called off.
i'm free practically everyday now. call mi out to bai nian, shopping or wat k?

CNY chu yi
new dress, new belt, new heels, new hairband, new hp
old hair colour, old cosmetics + skincare products, old earrings, same old bitchy personality.



buck-toothed.

"Unless a man is prepared to ask a woman to be his wife, what right has he to claim her exclusive attention? Unless she has been asked to marry him, why would a sensible woman promise any man her exclusive attention?" - Elisabeth Elliot's Passion and Purity. so, does this signifies an open relationship? ahaha. actually, i find dis quote true to a large extent lar.

and frm a random blog - "As I look back in tears, I discover how every fateful event, adversity and difficult experience has brought about painful but valuable life lessons. Because it is in its nature so real and mundane, it could happen anytime to possibly anyone. It seems that pain and value walks hand in hand.
I see how I was placed with a friend to reveal a long-standing sin of a fellow brother. I see how the thoughts of a mate had taught me about legalistic Christianity and its effects on those inflicted by its ideology. I see how past torn relationships had taught me to treasure people more. I see how a low self esteem that had used to consume me dispelling and fading away by a conviction of an acute truth of life and eternity. I see how a church that had shaped me for a good 5 years taught me a good gospel, instilling a firm theological foundation and sadly adverting from one highly arguable aspect of the truth, by which I mean the logos. I see how a substantial charismatic preacher worked wonders and another whose prophecies was invalid." aft reading dis, i was like, woah, so true leh. it's as if the author of that particular blog shares the same thoughts, feelings, sentiments, everything as mi.

another randomly random post of mine, depicting my reveries.

daddy came hme today and suddenly asked mi to go get ready to go buy hp. i was like, huh? i was still wearing my PJs lar and i got ready to step out of the hse in less than 10mins, definitely a record for mi. the queue at singtel was frigging long, had to queue for 30mins again aft getting through the first counter. this is the first time i purchased a hp w/out first comparing wif other models and doing some background checks and asking arnd. i hope this model wun dissapoint mi.
and i present to u, nokia 6228.


i got the white one instead of black. the black one's real nice too, looks very classy but i decided against it cuz it seems like black is a very common colour.
daddy suan-ed mi just now lar. he said that $500 to him is just a day's salary but it's abt half of my mthly wages. damnit lar. so direct for wat sia. anyway, i still think that he's very sweet to have bought this for mi instead of mi having to shell out $500 myself, like wat i did wif my n70 last yr.

anyway, it's back to civilisation wif a camera phone. couldn't tk pics ytd cuz of the antique hp i was using and, dis were wat i bought ytd lar:

esprit top; wanted to get the one wif red stripes instead but jenn dearest and siti said that i looked better in this. mama said that i looked like a zebra. like, wtf lar.


the Guess? bag. i think it looks like Gucci imitation though; gonna bring it to the Suntec outlet prolly on Thurs cuz it's abit defective.


kiwi said, "if i were ur father, i will most likely disown u sia. spend money like opening tap like that sia." i got so jia lat meh?

so i spent arnd $300 ytd while towning?
damnit, no source of income alrdy and i'm spending as if money falls frm the sky.
Guess? bag, arnd $150
lunch at Spaggedies, $50.20
top frm Esprit, aft 50% staff discount, $25
facial cleanser for daddy dearest, $10+

told jenn dearest that i wanna go bf hunting so that he cn pay for all my barang barangs. haa. cuz her bf damn sweet cn? bought abt $300+ of stuff for her.

rushed hme aft shopping spree for daddy's company dinner at Tung Lok Seafood restaurant. food was so-so only. ambience wasn't that great either.

my phone has officially died on mi. Nokia called and informed that my phone is ready for collection BUT, the motherboard spoiled and they can't do anything abt it. damn it lar. my phone's trade-in value is 200+ lor, now i have to waste money again on a new hp. and to think my hp's warranty just expired on 2nd feb.

town-ing wif my dearest girl tmr!


kor is too busy wif lion dancing to hiu mi
and anyway, i think someone whom i held dear to my heart has a new girl.

so i started V-day wif a trip to nokia care cuz my N70 decided to play mi out and now i'm stuck using a very antique nokia model which i feel embarassed to be seen wif. had lunch wif mei mei and mama and mama sent mi to dar's hme thereafter.
nua-ed at dar's hme and tok loads abt stuff. miss her loads sia; didn't seen her for abt 2wks alrdy. wei hao sms-ed mi then and said he has got a "v-day gift for mi cuz he thinks that i'm very ke lian". met up wif him when dar went to find her army boy and he bought Godiva chocs for mi! omg can? Godiva chocs are like, so pricey lar - for chocs, that is. i love chocs, esp white chocs. yummy!

happy V-day to mi, and hurray to SINGLEhood.

kuku face; thought u guys haven seen mi for a long time uh.





it reads: pure purple flower
my hair is gonna undergo another change
most prolly hair treatment at C2 in another wk or 2?

met up wif wei hao today. talked abt lotsa stuff wif him and he mentioned that he've sorta seen mi grown frm a xiao mei mei wearing PMK to a not so xiao mei mei lady now.
i think we walked damn lot today. first we bus-ed down to chinatown. then we walked to clark quay, walked along Sg river, walked to raffles city then to bugis and thereafter, bus-ed to orchard blvd and to far east. thank God i wasn't wearing heels today and was wearing my trusty Birks instead.


frm FEP


to go wif my cream-coloured CNY dress.
i'm absolutely in love wif my tailor-made CNY dress lar. the material has some subtle floral designs on it and it's a knee-length dress. it's been yrs since i last wore any skirt which goes down to my knees.
had a black skirt made too. it was a simple black flare skirt wif an organza-matrial made into a butterfly knot for a belt.



frm BV.
dunno which one will go best wif the dress.

anyway, thanks to all those who msg-ed mi while i was going throught that period of "self-destruction" a few days ago. i know for sure u guys cared loads abt mi though u've diff ways of expressing ur concerns.
kor; in his usual crude way of talking but apologising thereafter, shuting; calling mi the sec she got to know abt the whole thing, weihao; for beliving in my innocence, dar, sx and jenn dearest for the lovely msg-es. i know i can depend on u all no matter wat.

ok, so i'm disappointing my parents again cuz i'm not even considering to go to MI, even though i qualify lar. they were like, "aft poly, ur starting pay will be at most $1.7k and the max aft pay rise will be 2k+ but if u're a graduate, u can earn up to 6k lar". i noe daddy and mama mean mi well but i really can't see myself studying in a very rigid education system and i'm not those study type lor. i think i wun even pass promos or wat. my A level cert will be a gazillion times worse than Os lar. i really wanna do a dip in make-up but daddy is quite hostile to this idea. haiz.

kor's ex gf appeared on sat's lian he zao bao. apparently, she was "queen of truancy" at her former sch, did not even sat for her sec 3 exams but still managed to snag a couple of As for her O-levels. sigh, the world is so unfair uh? mi, a fairly consistent student who manages to get myself to sch 80% of the time did not even do half as well as she did lar.

i made a serious blunder ytd and daddy had to bail mi out at 4 freaking am. i'm sorry to be such a useless, ungrateful, immature daughter. now i only hope that i wun be terminated and wun haf a record on my case.

aft 2 days of standing frm 11am to 9pm in covered shoes, i realised that my feet stinks, terribly. my pretty black flats stink too. sales was shitty, considering that i'm working in town district. aft dis wk, i'm no longer working in town! yippeee. dun really like working at town cuz i really hate to squeeze wif 1/2 of Sg on train on the journey to and frm work and i almost always have to stand lar, no place to sit. i'd prefer tking the bus anytime cuz mostly i'll get to sit lor. cn u imagine being on ur feet for 9hrs and den having to stand for the 50mins journey back hme again? i tell u, it's pure agony. well, at least it beats having to walk frm city hall mrt to suntec for 3mths. i hate eating alone during break cuz i dun really like to socialize wif the ppl there and can't really be bothered to make small conversations wif them. i'd rather eat myself, then shop afterwards. which brings another prob; cuz when i shop, i'd inevitably have the urge to splurge again and life sucks wif no money.
it's gonna be Paragon tmr and i seriously hope that sales will improve dramatically.
haircut on thurs! my hair has been neglected lots lately. prolly new hair colour next wk? have to consult my hair stylist on the colours first then get the DIY stuff frm l'oreal.

i feel so loved can? sylvie and adeline came to find mi, weihao pei-ed mi for my break.

there's this customer who's very cute. went over to assist her in the hair dye stuff then we started chatting. say i very pretty and sweet(!). haa. i like the way she speaks; very articulate and the vibe she gave mi was very gd lar. dunno how to explain lar ...

shit man. results gonna be out on fri but guess i'll be working at taka. actually, i can't be bothered to go check my results lar.


such a randomly random post.

my feet are aching terribly now. shopped frm 1 to 9pm+. frm bugis to far east, wisma, taka, paragon and back to bugis again. shuting dearest is forever my best shopping companion. it was shopping wif an agenda today. shoes to compliment my CNY dress for mi and a corset to go wif her cheongsam look-alike top for shuting. the top spells sex-appeal all ovr lar. it's smthg like a halter-top, but instead of a string tied arnd the neck, it's of a traditional mandarin collar. it's bare-back behind too. very nice on her cuz of her ichiban figure and fabulous new hair cut. she cut her very long hair to a short bob lar, very stylo and she looks yrs younger. when she was buying ciggs, the 7-11 girl asked to check her IC. lolx lar. 21yrs old still must check IC; weihao too, older than shuting also kanna IC check.
3 pairs of heels caught my eyes today but i only bought a pair cuz one of them was alrdy sold out when i went back to the shop to purchase it and i'm still contemplating if i shld buy the other. it's of a pretty brown base wif white polka-dots and a cream-coloured bow at the side, dunno if i shld get it. most prolly i'll go vivo look see look see aft my haircut on wed or thurs before my facial at FEP before making my decision. if nthg better catches my eyes then, think i'll get them at ngee ann city next fri lor. bought a set of linegerie frm paragon too. it's of a pretty pastel yellow. very nice leh.

i'm so enjoying dis wk lar. been out every other day wif the ppl i hold dear to my heart.
shelly tan xue li. christopher tan tian ci. gernelle wong shu ting.
tok wei yi, jenn tan hui ting and cecilia lim jia yan; when are we meeting up ah?

was clearing my stuff when i came across a non-descript envelope containing pics i took wif WQ. the envelope was at the bottom of the book-shelve, underneath some old, dusty novels. guess i was at the lowest point of my life then when we broke up, did many unimaginable things to myself, wanted to erase all of our memories but at the same time, wanted to hold on to them ever so tightly. gave him the super long letter i wrote containng my rawest emotions to him abt 1mth aft we broke up. met up wif him then, things were kinda awkward between us; we were so close before but when we met, we were practically strangers, dunno wat to say though a gazillion thoughts were running through my head. i can actually picture myself 2yrs ago, trying to make out a civil conversation wif him at the pavillion at Kallang. handed him the letter and some other stuff. he wanted to patch wif mi but i was quite hesistant cuz once bitten twice shy as the saying goes. wasn't totally confident that he'd gimme the happiness i was looking for or rather, was quite afraid that we'd break up again. he called mi aft i left the pavillion, aft he had read the letter. was crying on the line, apologising and stuff but as i said, i forced myself to stay strong and not betray any emotions though i was going through an emotional turmoil inside. made myself sound like a heartless bitch wif no regrets/feeling/whatsoever though i wanted so very much to be with him again. braced myself and i think i sounded very cold when talking to him then; treated him wif the "w/out u my life will just go on so why shld i compromise and accept u back" kind of mindset.
thinking back, he was quite sweet to mi when were still together lar. he dotes on my sis and gave her a stuff doggy for x'mas. though he wasn't financially stable, he was still willing to spend money on mi whenever he cn, even surprising mi wif stuff every now and then. he'd even meet mi at bloody 8am when i decided to pon sch. always giving mi money to tk cab and whatsoever when he himself was strap for cash. posting short msg-es in "Teenage to surprise mi. i think i wasn't a real gd gf then cuz i didn't really treasure his each and every sweet gestures. didn't even attempt to chit-chat wif his friends, i'd rather just be part of the background and let everyone have the impression that imma dao kia.
now? i think he has changed into a guy i barely know, though we haven been in contact recently lar. it's like, i dunno. used to go say hi to his aunty whenever i'm in bugis- which is quite often but now i dun feel like popping by. dunno. it feels weird to do this now though his family used to treat mi very gd, even went to bai nian during CNY lor.
i can't even understand myself at this point of time lar. why am i digging up past memories? blame CNY springcleaning lor.
21mths 18days. my longest r/s ever; and to think i was on the rebound then.

舍不得我为什么说再见

能不能收回我说的每一句话

舍不得我为什么不忘记

think dawn yang looks like Vivian Hsu leh.

yea, so V day's gonna be in like, 2 wks time? been seeing adverts for gifts, flowers and whatnot everywhere i go. prolly gonna spend dis yr's V day wif my dearest girl - that is, if i'm not too down aft recieving my results. i'm thinking of going gu chia zui, dar, stead bo? haa. we go there ro-man-tic lar, then go look see look see CNY's stuff.

this Vivian Hsu's song is SUPER old alrdy lar, but somehow, i had these tingling kinda sensations aft listening to it. past few days had been thinking abt the PAST again. tot of WQ and cherry. dunno why but i noe i'd given my all then but maybe i shld have put in more effort to maintain the r/s. damn. why am i making it sound like it's all my fault when i'm supposed to be the one who needs to be comforted? WQ, i think he changed alot. dun seem to be the guy i used to know back in 2003. cherry, okok lar except for the chiong-ing and stuff, maybe not too different frm the person i knew in 2005; but what do i noe anyway since we haven been in regular contact since D-day. all we do every now and then is msn-ing each other, bo liao testis in friendster and sometimes, sms-es. bless mi lar.